I know the difference that asking for help can make, and yet for me and many others, it is REALLY hard to ask for what you need. I've been thinking about communication lately. I've been thinking about why I feel like I'm drowning sometimes, and why I hate reaching out, and how I can change my communication style to catch myself before I go over the edge.
This is what I came up with. (Arg let me change that, not supposed to end a sentence with a preposition...) Here's a list of my discoveries:
- I don't always know what, specifically, I need, and don't have the energy for follow up questions
- I don't want to be a burden
- I "should" be strong enough to handle xyz (more on "shoulds" in a future post)
- Assertiveness is not my strong suit
- I avoid confrontation
So, if I don't know what I need, and I don't like to be a burden, how can I avoid this feeling of drowning (in debt, in laundry, in stress, etc.). I came up with another list as a solution.
- Be direct/specific - ex: Can we have breakfast for dinner and get to bed early? I'm tired.
- Ask and ye shall receive (on the flip side of that is if you don't ask, you probably won't receive)
- Reach out when things are good, if you wait until they're not, it'll only be tougher
- Offer help to others when you can (what goes around comes around kinda thing)
- Accept help when its offered (ex: if someone offers to pay for your lunch when you're struggling, accept the gift and pay it forward later)
Okay so that's a lot of lists for tonight, and as Robert Frost wrote in one of my favorite poems Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening, "I've got promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep."
Peace, love, and sweet dreams
~Midnight Mama
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