Decisions, Decisions, and How to Conquer Mom Guilt

         I am not a "bad mom" for deciding NOT to make my kids pancakes before daycare today. I am NOT a bad mom for choosing to put away laundry so I can maybe sometimes find weather-appropriate clothes, or choosing to sweep the floor because its been a while, and we have guests tonight. 

        I am not a "bad mom" for waking them up at the same time on commute-downtown days and work-from-home days, so that I can have a little bit of quiet time. I am NOT a bad mom for all those decisions and more, and neither are you. 

        There are only 24 hours in each day, 1440 minutes, and we need to decide over and over which task to do next, out of an impossible list of "shoulds". When we choose to clean, and when we don't, when we scroll for 2 hours (oops did I really just do that?!), when we choose to get down on the floor and play, or park them in front of the TV and take time away, that doesn't make us "bad" or wrong. In fact, worrying that we're bad moms is one of the biggest indicators that we're actually good moms! 

        So as I sit here writing this post, after first catching up on the night's Facebook notifications... As I sit here deciding how to spend the next 5 minutes, knowing that I'll get caught up in this task or that, and be late/frazzled/frustrated no matter what I choose... here's the point. The TL:DR (isn't it awesome that we can admit posts are "too long, didn't read"? But I digress...)

        So back to the point - How do we conquer mom guilt? We tell ourselves, and each other, over and over as often as needed, you're not a bad mom, it's okay to choose the "easy" option, and the kids are gonna be just fine. 

Pancakes or waffles?
 Either way, they'll eat.

        Let me repeat in bullet points so these magic words stand out in our heads. Feel free to write them down on a notepad, or on a receipt, or on an envelope from some junk mail, and tape it to the fridge, or to your phone cause that's where it'll for sure be seen 🤣) because even the act of writing helps memories last... (#Science)

How to Conquer Mom Guilt?

This is the secret. Repeat this mantra - loudly, softly, and often, to yourself and to others:

• You are NOT a bad mom
• It's okay to choose the "easy" option 
• The kids are gonna be just fine

That's it. No strings attached, because we moms wear so many hats, juggle so many tasks, and have so much on our plates, that we really have no room for any more mountains of red tape or hoops to jump through. Did I mix enough metaphors? Lol I'll stop.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk, and may the peace of faith in yourself lift some of that burden you're carrying. You are not alone. You are enough. You are loved.

Xoxo,

Mama Gali

Unmet Needs

Pretty much every challenge in our lives can be boiled down to unmet needs. 

Are you hangry?

Unmet need for food. 

Are you overly irritable?

You probably have an unmet need for sleep.  

Are you sad? 

Unmet need for companionship, or purpose, or exercise.

Are you anxious? 

Unmet need for safety and acceptance.

Are you hurting?

Unmet need for relief.

Are you overwhelmed?

 Unmet need for support.

            The list could go on and on, but you get the point. We all want to feel heard, to feel seen, to feel appreciated and validated and capable. Obviously I can't speak for every one of the 7.7+ billion people currently living on our planet, but I'm pretty sure this gem is universal. So if every challenge in our lives is basically caused by unmet needs... how do we fix them? How do we stop the suffering, fix the world, and find happiness/peace? Well first of all, we don't. It's not our responsibility or capability to meet every need for everyone, and it's not everyone else's responsibility to meet our needs.

If we go the philosophical route, Thomas Hobbes described human lives as

 "solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short".

If we go the twelve-step route, it's up to G-d to grant us 

"...the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change; Courage to change the things I can; and Wisdom to know the difference".

If we go the comedic route... 

well we'll have to go somewhere else because I don't have jokes that are actually funny. lol.

            There are also lots of routes not listed. Actually, there are probably about as many routes to "fix" this problem of unmet needs as there are people, because each of us is our own weird blend of education and life experience, each of is damaged in our special ways. So this leads me to wonder... 

If we're all bruised and scarred,

 why do try so hard 

to pretend we're not? 

Read that again. I'll wait.

  Speaking of trying, I recently "read" an audiobook that talked a lot about trying, and not trying. If you're curious, it's called "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck", and it's by Mark Manson. I have a love-hate relationship with the title, because cussing isn't my default. You can probably tell because I chose "cuss" instead of "curse", or any of a zillion other less PG ways to say profanity. So why did I read it? Because I felt a nudge from God/The Universe, and followed it, and I am so glad that I did. The book is everything that I didn't know that I needed. Psychology and humor, life lessons not from a rabbi or scientist or celebrity, but from a normal guy, who made mistakes just like the rest of us, and found a way to write down chapter after chapter of ways to not. 

            To paraphrase an abundance of awesome, his answer to "how" is that honestly, we already know how to get our needs met, and underneath all the lies that we let ourselves believe, we don't take responsibility for our needs because it's hard. Blaming others and getting mad/scared/sad is practically automatic, and doing something about it feels uncomfortable, and sometimes impossible. So why write this post at all? Because we all have unmet needs, and we all have great power to do something about it, and if you need a little nudge to get out of your rut, here it is, because me too. 

            You don't need my permission to "just do" the scary things. But just in case it helps... you have it. Whatever challenges you're facing in this moment. You're not alone. You've got this. It WILL get better, or your money back (and I can say that with confidence because this post is free 😛)

xoxo,

Professor Gali

Why Isn’t ___ More of A Priority?!

Good Morning and Welcome!

            Today's inspiration came from the awesome and amazing Hannah Cremona, who posted this prompt: (find her group here)

My Response:

            "Honestly, I've been afraid of putting in the effort... my doctor recently told me that its clear that I'm trying... and also that I'm not giving it my best. It came from a place of love and encouragement, she genuinely want to know why nutrition wasn't a priority, when clearly, its very effective in managing my disease. It didn't take me long to reply... "I'm lazy". Changing my eating habits is HARD, or at least so I tell myself... and I believe with my whole heart that it would work... and also understand that my brain is LYING when it tells me that I can't. My heart wants to whine "its not faaaair" and as I reach for the processed convenience snack that I know my bowel will soon protest... I think to myself. You CAN resist. Life's not fair. Don't do it. After that... its a roll of the die whether I will succeed or fail, and give myself grace to try try again."

Yes, I did stage this to hide
the cluttered countertop and table 😁

 

            Oh my gosh the look on Dr. V's face when I mentioned resorting to Pop-Tarts! It was as if I'd said poison! And plain cheerios, that was my crazy health-nut-mom easy option... I had no idea that cereal was a no-no too! Her response... cheerios don't come off the tree like that. 😬 touche Dr. V.  (Find her info here)

            That's a truth that can't be denied. But it's not all about food. Those words of why isn't this more of a priority for you... they hit me in the feels. That applies to every. single. area. where we doubt ourselves. Don't believe me? Here's a non-food example.

Don't judge the crumbs, 
They're fresh 😇

            When my daughter struggles to clip her own carseat buckle, even though I've seen her do it before, I remember all the times that she's given up and begged for help, just 2 seconds before success. My momming strategy is to help her have the confidence and faith in herself to use that extra oomph (sound effects help y'all, seriously). So when she whines for help, I ask her to "Grab the whines. Take em out of your throat! Smash em into a ball, and throw em far away!" When I ask her where are we throwing them this time, her answers are so precious. Often its been a gleeful, ALABAMA! And a few times its been a confident, "into space!" Either way, we make a big show of sending away the whining so that we are ready to believe in ourselves. I talk her through problem solving the "I can't". Maybe move your hands? Maybe make sure its aligned in the right spot? Maybe keep going, try your very best and right when you want to give up, try just a tiny bit more..... and often, success! She is capable. She is strong. She can do so much, with a little bit of scaffolding (shout out to Vygotsky's theory of Child Development woot woot). Our kids don't need us to swoop in and take over... sometimes they just need a little support... and lightbulb moment... sometimes, so do we. 

            #Adulting isn't easy. And that's okay. We are capable. We are strong. We are NOT alone. And we've got this. For me, prayer is comforting, so if it's alright with y'all/you guys, I'm going to close with a prayer/praise. 

Abba Father, thank you for putting these words in my heart and head, and for giving me the platform and the time to share. Baruch ata adonai... blessed are you Lord, who has given us the gifts of technology and transportation, of family and faith, of strength and support. If it be thy will, we ask you to be our scaffold as we build up from your foundation. We ask you to comfort us when we look down in fear. We ask you to show us the way up, not the whole way, but enough to have the courage to take the next step. Inspired action comes from you, or strength comes from you, our souls come from you, and we are so so grateful for your abundant love, even as we turn from you in grief or frustration. Thank you for this new day, and this new opportunity to be our best. In your holy name, amen. 

            If you've made it this far, dear reader, your heart is open to receiving a blessing, and I claim it for you now. You've got this. You are capable. And if you want a little support, let me know. Truly, no judgment, I mean it when I say, I'd love to hear from you in the comments, or in a private message. Find me on Instagram.com/galigaligumdrop, in the pages of the books "Sadness and Us" and "Fear and Us", or on Facebook in "Gali's Great Group". 

You are not alone. You are loved. You are capable. I will say it over and over until you believe it for yourself, and I believe it deep down in the place of doubt.

Xoxo

Mama Gali

The Secret to Happiness

Have you ever wondered about the secret to happiness, searching and stressing when it eludes you? The secret is this: Live lightheartedly. No gimmicks, no suspense, read on before you scoff that it's not. The secret has more, but love's at the core, read on if you've been yearning to open that door. (Oops, can't seem to avoid rhyme-time!). Seriously though, it really is that easy.

Live love-ly, live laugh-ly, live lightly, that's how we find peace and joy. 

When we keep things simple, enjoy life's dimples, our souls vibrate like purring felines, 

Our hearts thump like wagging tails, our minds finally radiate calm, 

And Oh, what a wonderful feeling that is!

Abhor hate, enjoy the outdoors, step away from the endless wanting of stuff,

Uncover the core, and you'll see that it's love. 

Love thy neighbor AND thyself, 

And believe without labels in something greater...

Guaranteed, it'll improve your health. #LoveLouder #LoveAlways #LoveLots 

Inspired by the concept of "Cheerful Fatalism", which is accepting without feeling hopeless, that whatever will be, will be. (Full definition here).

Thanks for reading. I hope that you find peace and comfort, and give yourself permission to be sad, or mad, or scared, and of course happy. 

 xoxo

Mama Gali

What If....

Good morning,

This post is for you, and you, and you over there in the back. Yes, I see you. I've been you, and I'm here to tell you that it's okay to show up, to speak up, to be seen. There's a middle ground between standing in the spotlight, and hiding in the shadows, and for me, that middle ground is here.

 This newest poem, "STOP" is for all those like me, for each person who for far too long has held back from being true to their heart. It's time to start stopping, start starting, and live.

 "STOP" 

What if we put a STOP

To feeling ashamed?

What if we shared our truth?

Like an innocent child

With no filter,

Who hasn't yet learned 

To hold back and hide.

"Conceal don't feel"

Sings the queen of ice and snow.

And maybe 

we can't help

But sing along 

because

 that's what we've been told 

for years and years

just like she was.

What if we put a STOP

To feeling ashamed?

How much happier would we feel

Showing up authentically?

Sure there'd be haters,

There always are...

But if we STOP being afraid 

If we STOP being ashamed

THAT'S when we find our tribe.

And finding your  tribe

is priceless.

    As part of my 2021 "100% Committed" mission, I make a commitment to myself, and to you. I commit to show up authentically, at home, at work, online, and anywhere else where I might spend time.  So often we give advice to others, not following it ourselves. That's why one of my many missions this year is to "Walk the Walk and Talk the Talk, for IBD and for Me", I'm going to confess that the first draft of this message was #PostedFromThePot. Actually, some of my best poetry and prose is written from the "throne", because as a mom of 2 living with Crohn's Disease, I spend more than my fair share of time in the restroom. Okay I admit, sometimes I'm hiding out, hoping for an extra minute alone. Often though, I'm just following my gut, and a gut with chronic inflammation doesn't have the same needs as one without.

    I've decided to set aside the shame that so often is linked to Irritable Bowel Disease. Sure, my guts are cranky and overactive, but often, so are my thoughts, and my years on this Earth have taught me that #RealTalk can help me (and you) process the chaos within, literally AND metaphorically!

    Will you join me in this quest as I #TakeSteps and share my story, as I #StopTheStigma by starting conversations? I hope that you will (no pressure though, truly).

    Let me know in the comments, or, if you're not quite ready, click here to show your support with a donation to Crohn's and Colitis Foundation of America. CCFA is an organization that funds research for a cure for Crohn's Disease, and it's cousin Ulcerative Colitis. They also fund much-needed support for newly diagnosed patients, and so much more. CCFA helped me when I needed it most, and all these years later, I've finally found the courage to talk about it.

    I hope that you'll start a conversation with me, in public or in private, and know that I won't judge. You are loved, and you are NOT your illness, you are NOT your struggle, you are so much more.

Xoxo

MamaGali