Pretty much every challenge in our lives can be boiled down to unmet needs.
Are you hangry?
Unmet need for food.
Are you overly irritable?
You probably have an unmet need for sleep.
Are you sad?
Unmet need for companionship, or purpose, or exercise.
Are you anxious?
Unmet need for safety and acceptance.
Are you hurting?
Unmet need for relief.
Are you overwhelmed?
Unmet need for support.
The list could go on and on, but you get the point. We all want to feel heard, to feel seen, to feel appreciated and validated and capable. Obviously I can't speak for every one of the 7.7+ billion people currently living on our planet, but I'm pretty sure this gem is universal. So if every challenge in our lives is basically caused by unmet needs... how do we fix them? How do we stop the suffering, fix the world, and find happiness/peace? Well first of all, we don't. It's not our responsibility or capability to meet every need for everyone, and it's not everyone else's responsibility to meet our needs.
If we go the philosophical route, Thomas Hobbes described human lives as
"solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short".
If we go the twelve-step route, it's up to G-d to grant us
"...the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change; Courage to change the things I can; and Wisdom to know the difference".
If we go the comedic route...
well we'll have to go somewhere else because I don't have jokes that are actually funny. lol.
There are also lots of routes not listed. Actually, there are probably about as many routes to "fix" this problem of unmet needs as there are people, because each of us is our own weird blend of education and life experience, each of is damaged in our special ways. So this leads me to wonder...
If we're all bruised and scarred,
why do try so hard
to pretend we're not?
Read that again. I'll wait.
Speaking of trying, I recently "read" an audiobook that talked a lot about trying, and not trying. If you're curious, it's called "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck", and it's by Mark Manson. I have a love-hate relationship with the title, because cussing isn't my default. You can probably tell because I chose "cuss" instead of "curse", or any of a zillion other less PG ways to say profanity. So why did I read it? Because I felt a nudge from God/The Universe, and followed it, and I am so glad that I did. The book is everything that I didn't know that I needed. Psychology and humor, life lessons not from a rabbi or scientist or celebrity, but from a normal guy, who made mistakes just like the rest of us, and found a way to write down chapter after chapter of ways to not.
To paraphrase an abundance of awesome, his answer to "how" is that honestly, we already know how to get our needs met, and underneath all the lies that we let ourselves believe, we don't take responsibility for our needs because it's hard. Blaming others and getting mad/scared/sad is practically automatic, and doing something about it feels uncomfortable, and sometimes impossible. So why write this post at all? Because we all have unmet needs, and we all have great power to do something about it, and if you need a little nudge to get out of your rut, here it is, because me too.
You don't need my permission to "just do" the scary things. But just in case it helps... you have it. Whatever challenges you're facing in this moment. You're not alone. You've got this. It WILL get better, or your money back (and I can say that with confidence because this post is free 😛)
xoxo,
Professor Gali
