Boundaries - 3 Reasons They Can Change Your Life

 Do you struggle with setting and enforcing boundaries? 

Limits on your time, your energy, your attitude? 

You're not alone.

Did you also know that hummingbirds generally fly alone?

    It can be so hard to set limits, especially if you're a people pleaser like me, but it is so SO worth it, and here's a quick list of reasons as proof. Take a quick minute to read this list, then stop your mindless scrolling and take back your time.

1. True Friends will Understand

    Whether you're in a busy season of life, or stressed out of your mind and needing to make change, true friends will understand. If you (respectfully) set limits on your time, and your friends don't understand, maybe that relationship is more about convenience then love, and that's okay. 

    We all have friendships of convenience, and not all friends were meant to stay in our lives forever. As much as social media can leave us feeling lonely and less than enough, it also has incredible power to connect us with a tribe of friends who really care. 

    Don't believe me? Here's a truth bomb. I don't have a lot of "true" friends, and it's my own fault. Instead of calling local friends and making time to meet up (with or without kids tagging alone), I spend hours and hours mindlessly scrolling, telling myself the lie that there's no time. And yes, when I'm feeling lonely I reach out. But guess what, I'm not just sending that "hi" message to one person. The #Realtalk truth is that I probably send 3-12 "hi" messages, and hope that someone will be available to fill the void. When I've actually called (instead of texted) friends, and need to hang up after 5 minutes to spare them the screaming of an angry toddler, they understand. Or at least that's what they tell me when I apologize over and over .... 😔

2. Confidence Boost

    When we try to set limits, and it works (oh my gosh imagine), there is such a confidence and mood boost that comes with #winning. For those who have a miles long to-do list, try the "If I Could Only Pick 3" exercise, and check off the most important/urgent items before anything else. This isn't just one of those weird textbook experiments, it actually works.

     In my call center job and also at home, the task list never ends, and new tasks seem to get added faster than I can keep up. When I invest even 5 minutes in planning my day, and making a visual reminder of order-of-importance tasks, wow things actually get done. Through the magic of planning, I'm able to break down my scary-overwhelming day into manageable chunks, and every time I finish a task there's that dopamine rush of marking it done. Eventually, when the end of the day arrives, I can look objectively at the things I didn't do, because they're surrounded by all the things that I did, and that makes all the difference.

3. Healthy x 3

    Setting limits is healthy for mind, body, and soul. Those aren't just pretty words, there is science to back it up. 

• Athletes who push too hard get injured. 

• Minds that don't get a break wreak havoc on our emotions

(like in that animated movie where Joy, Anger, Sadness, Disgust, and Fear take turns shouting in their own styles, "hey, hey, you better stop!)

•  Even the soul needs limits, we can't give and give and give to everyone else without ever allowing ourselves to take.

Boundaries are so important, and yet, we're not taught to make them a priority. Or maybe we are, and just ignore those voices of reason in favor of the natural instincts to want more, do more, be more.

***********************

So as I work to set (and actually enforce) boundaries in my life. I hope that my friends and family will understand, and that we'll all be happier and healthier as a result.

On that note, my kids have been calling my name for 20 minutes, off to do all the mom things that waited not-so-patiently for me to wrap up!

May your boundaries be respected, and may the seeds of your self-care grow and grow until you bloom into your best self.

xoxo

Mama Gali

Something Great

 Today, a coworker had the courage to confide a "random thought", that she felt I was being groomed for something bigger. Honestly, my heart melted a little bit because I've been feeling the same way, and it felt really nice to have those feelings validated. 

At one point during this not-so-gradual transformation from a hesitant underachieving to a ... title yet-to-be-determined confident lifechanger, the doubt got so strong that I thought I was crazy. Not "haha that's nuts" but full on psychotic break grandiose thinking you need to be locked up crazy. It wouldn't be the first time... Knowing what I do about bipolar disorder and the gift-curse of full-blown mania, having learned the hard way that being consistent with mood stabilizer medication is vital (at least for me), I was scared, and honestly that's a sign of just how much I've grown. 

There's a parenting quote that I really like, REEEALLY like, about how if you're worried that you're doing it wrong, that's a sign that you're doing it right. This translates to managing my mental health diagnosis too. If I'm noticing red flags, and taking steps to seek support instead of denying the snowball... well that's a pretty giant difference from last time. At least today I can be confident that if I mess up and land in a "behavioral health facility" again, it won't be because I didn’t learn my lesson. 

So... back to the "something greater" thesis of this not-for-college-entrance personal statement.... I'm not hallucinating. I'm not "crazy" except for the part where I own my crazy. People rarely own their crazy, and if that makes me crazy, I don't want to be anything else. For the first time in my life, I've felt called to something huge, and I haven't stopped myself from following the path. 

Sure, I'm giving myself permission to take baby steps, to pause and soak up all that the present has to offer before diving with both feet into the deep end of the future. (I never learned how to dive properly so it would probably be more like a literal arms-flailing, screaming-the-whole-way leap of faith...) where was I? Oh yeah, groomed for something greater.

Finally, it seems like all of my education and experience are coming together towards... something. It's not 100% clear yet what that something is, and that's okay. Many times in life we don't get to know the destination, or even the twists and turns and pitstops and detours on the route. Many times in life, we are forced to live each moment, not necessarily as if its our last, but as a moment, an ordinary night putting away laundry because, if this moment DOESN'T turn out to be our last... it would be nice to have clean clothes available.

Thanks for reading.

I hope that you'll keep following this wild ride, maybe take your turn at the wheel, and join me for what I'm confident is going to be a pretty amazing incredible awesome view from the mountaintop. (Sorry not sorry for mixing metaphors).

Sending positive vibes and permission that you didn't ask for but are getting anyway...

~Mama Gali

Why I Take Steps

        It seems like someone is always fundraising for something, and it can feel impossible to balance a budget during girl scout cookie season. So for those who feel like they can't give $, I understand. Here's a little piece of my story, a mini behind-the-scenes look at why this cause matters to me, and why now.

DO YOU WANT TO KNOW 
WHY I TAKE STEPS?

        Imagine being 14 years old, swearing up and down that you're NOT anorexic, and that you're not eating because your stomach hurts. You keep going to school because honestly, the distraction helps, but your blood boils every time someone notices your size 8 turned size 00 figure and comments "you like great!". My mom raised me with good manners so I put on that fake smile, said something like "aww thanks" and vented to my friends later. Imagine being 14 years old, and being scheduled for a colonoscopy. Thank God that my tribe was mostly future doctors, and they were fascinated more than grossed out by the "butt camera" details. Fast forward 10 years and hundreds of blood draws later, and imagine the next chapter of the battle. Imagine you have a husband and a job, and after years of being relatively okay, the pain is back with a vengeance. Your doctor suggests surgery. For years, you've been so careful, knowing that getting pregnant during a flare could be disastrous, and your doctor tells you not to let your disease control your life. But what if... and what if... the fears are too scary to even speak them.

        Now fast forward one more time, another 7 years to the current day. You're living the American dream. Married, employed, with 2.5 kids and a house with a yard. Your disease is under control (at least according to the tests), but you still have accidents more often than your children. You look at these adorable amazing miniature versions of yourself, and remember that your disease has a genetic component.

        Sure, I'd love a cure for Crohn's Disease. I'd love to not need IV medication every 8 weeks, to not need to think about horrible prep drink for at least 20 years, instead of 3. But that stuff doesn't bother me anymore. Like so many other hardships in life, I've adjusted, and barely notice that it's not normal. I take steps and I am 100% committed to this cause, not for myself, but for the millions of younger patients. For the ones who got diagnosed at age 7, and never got to have a normal childhood. For the ones who's surgery didn't help, who's medication doesn't help, and who feel like they won't ever be able to date, or work, or go on vacation like a normal person. I #TakeSteps to stop the stigma, to raise funds, and to do what I can to save others from the pain that I've experienced.

        I've lived with Crohn's Disease since sophomore year of high school, and have had more than my fair share of pokes and prods. Yes, it's true that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and my diagnoses helped shape me into who I am today... but that doesn't mean I'd wish it on my worst enemy. So if you can spare the cost of a few fast food meals, consider donating them to CCFA, your guts will be glad that you did, and many others will be forever grateful.

xoxo

MamaGali