Something Great

 Today, a coworker had the courage to confide a "random thought", that she felt I was being groomed for something bigger. Honestly, my heart melted a little bit because I've been feeling the same way, and it felt really nice to have those feelings validated. 

At one point during this not-so-gradual transformation from a hesitant underachieving to a ... title yet-to-be-determined confident lifechanger, the doubt got so strong that I thought I was crazy. Not "haha that's nuts" but full on psychotic break grandiose thinking you need to be locked up crazy. It wouldn't be the first time... Knowing what I do about bipolar disorder and the gift-curse of full-blown mania, having learned the hard way that being consistent with mood stabilizer medication is vital (at least for me), I was scared, and honestly that's a sign of just how much I've grown. 

There's a parenting quote that I really like, REEEALLY like, about how if you're worried that you're doing it wrong, that's a sign that you're doing it right. This translates to managing my mental health diagnosis too. If I'm noticing red flags, and taking steps to seek support instead of denying the snowball... well that's a pretty giant difference from last time. At least today I can be confident that if I mess up and land in a "behavioral health facility" again, it won't be because I didn’t learn my lesson. 

So... back to the "something greater" thesis of this not-for-college-entrance personal statement.... I'm not hallucinating. I'm not "crazy" except for the part where I own my crazy. People rarely own their crazy, and if that makes me crazy, I don't want to be anything else. For the first time in my life, I've felt called to something huge, and I haven't stopped myself from following the path. 

Sure, I'm giving myself permission to take baby steps, to pause and soak up all that the present has to offer before diving with both feet into the deep end of the future. (I never learned how to dive properly so it would probably be more like a literal arms-flailing, screaming-the-whole-way leap of faith...) where was I? Oh yeah, groomed for something greater.

Finally, it seems like all of my education and experience are coming together towards... something. It's not 100% clear yet what that something is, and that's okay. Many times in life we don't get to know the destination, or even the twists and turns and pitstops and detours on the route. Many times in life, we are forced to live each moment, not necessarily as if its our last, but as a moment, an ordinary night putting away laundry because, if this moment DOESN'T turn out to be our last... it would be nice to have clean clothes available.

Thanks for reading.

I hope that you'll keep following this wild ride, maybe take your turn at the wheel, and join me for what I'm confident is going to be a pretty amazing incredible awesome view from the mountaintop. (Sorry not sorry for mixing metaphors).

Sending positive vibes and permission that you didn't ask for but are getting anyway...

~Mama Gali