Guilt, Shame, and Stigma

 Its okay to not be okay, publicly.

 Part of the pain of social media is that people tend to post their highlights - book launches, posed smiles, commitment to goals, etc. Of course we come out negative and not-enough when we compare ourselves to this polished perspective!

Today I challenge you to post a behind-the-scenes. Share a photo of your bedhead crazy hair, a story of when you gorged on snacks to fill an emotional void, an incident of anxiety or aggression.

Here's a peek at my behind-the-scenes 

For me as a poet, its not all rainbows and rhymes, and some of my most powerful works are dark and raw and resonate with the deepest darkest parts of us. 

Sure, the hurt tends to fade with the light of each new day, and I'm not fishing for pity, but...

The guilt and shame

 are strong and relentless, 

and if we hide our pain,

we only have ourselves 

to blame.

Will you help me #StopTheStigma by telling a behind-the-scenes story #LoveLouder applies to being kind to ourselves, as much as to others.

I'm not quite brave enough to post a fat-face tired-eyes selfie, so here's a photo of my bedside table, with the mother's day succulent that I killed by watering literally once in 2 months, my favorite hairbrush that I lose and eventually find (within the freakin house) at least 6 days a week, and the cough drops that I was too stubborn to use, but also haven't yet found the motivation to put away.  Not pictured are 3 baskets of clean laundry waiting for attention, a sink full of dishes abandoned overnight, a floor that hasn't been swept in quite a few days, and shows it. The guilt and shame over all these tasks undone is often overwhelming, and yet I often spend nights scrolling for hours, "too tired" to tackle the tasks. 

I know WHAT to do, years of therapy and loving learning have taught me all sorts of tricks and tactics. Finding the energy and motivation to start the laundry, to maintain doctor-ordered food restrictions, to set aside emotional escapes and actually sleep... that's a different story.

Will you join me in sharing the mundane, bad, and ugly, instead of always only the polished and pretty? It would mean the world.

Thanks for reading this far,

Xoxo 

Mama Gali

"Let It Go" - Easier Than It Sounds?

Hello dear readers,

Thank you for being here. Now I bet you didn't expect to be appreciated before actually getting to the topic of this post, but I'm glad that you're here. 

Even if you don't stay (and that's totally okay), I hope that something on this site, resonates today. 

This morning I had a pretty amazing interaction in a group on social media, and instead of keeping it hidden in a comments thread, I'm taking a chance and sharing it here for all the internet to see (HA, I know I'm not popular! Yet?....) Here goes.

Daily Quote/Conversation Starter

“One of the most courageous decisions you’ll ever make is to finally let go of what’s hurting your heart and soul.” — ​Unknown

Comment from Renate Z.

"Sounds easy... 😅... sometimes unconcious believes can make that a bit difficult... 😅"

Reply from me, tapping into something bigger and wiser than myself. 

"When we peel back layer by layer, and do the work of bringing the unconscious into consciousness, that's a big step towards healing. 

One technique that fascinates me is called ladders. Its a quick way to uncover core beliefs, at least for me anyway.

Ex:

 I'm stressed at work because I have too much to do and not enough time to do it.

- So what happens if you don't do it?

... I could get fired.

-So what if you get fired?

... I won't be able to pay bills

- So what if you can't pay bills?

... I could lose my house

- So what if you lose your house?

... My kids won't have a safe/warm/dry place to sleep.

- So what if they don't?

... Then I'm a terrible mom.

So in the matter of 3 minutes, I figured out that I push myself to the point of burnout at work (and often snap at hub and kids) because im afraid of being a terrible mom.

Now that I've uncovered that belief, I realize how much a lie it is, and that the job isn't whats really important in my life. "

For more amazing quotes and conversations, click here to join a group hosted on Facebook by the incredible Jenny Schmal. Don't let the title fool you, married/single/or other this group will add value to your life. 

WOW. Society tells us that hard things are "easier said than done", but honestly, this revelation took me less than 5 minutes once I stopped believing it was so hard and took the first step to think about it. We psych ourselves out about so many "big" problems in our lives, but psychology techniques like "Laddering" from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a lot easier than it sounds. 

When we use fancy words, sure it sounds kind of elitist and "not for me". But really, psychology is basically the science of understanding human behavior. Believe it or not, a lot of very smart people have figured a lot about how our brains and behaviors tend to work, and without all that much effort, we can peek into this wealth of knowledge, and withdraw what we need. 

Like Aladdin in the "Cave Of Wonders" or Elsa (and Anna!) in the "Forbidden Forest", we can change so many lives by having the courage, to just try. 

Photo Credit: Grosh.com 

I hope that you're encouraged by this share, 

and that you give yourself grace to not compare.

I hope that you let go

Of one belief that is your foe.

Or at least take a tiny step

If you seek it, there's lots of help.

Not all support, is only for the rich

There's so much free online,

If you let your mindset switch.

Call out your "cant", 

That's the end of my rant. 

Claiming and manifesting peace, love, and patience, for you and me and all the world to see. 

Xoxo 

Mama Gali

Wait. Rewind. Playback. Whoa.

 Today, as my daughter was watching one of those weird unwrapping videos in another language, I asked her

"Wouldn't you rather go play with your toys, than watch someone else play?"

Her answer? A very casual yet clear "Nah".

So she went back to her video, and I went back to catching up on my social media, and then it hit me. Like a lightbulb, firework, supernova of synapses in my brain...

Mind. Blown.

"Wouldn't you rather go play with your toys, than watch someone else play?"

YES. I would actually. I'd much rather go water the vegetable garden, splash in the tub, make silly sounds as I for once make time to actually read the never-ending stack of books my little ones request at bedtime. 

I believe with all my heart that often, a higher power gives us words to speak that we also need to hear ourselves. Tonight was one of those moments. It's time to stop living the "Do as I say, not as I do" philosophy, and actually live the life that I want my kids to see and appreciate and participate and create. 

So this is me, putting my invisible money where my mouth is, and putting down the phone, and inviting you to do it too. (Total coincidence that mine badly needs to be charged 🤣).

Xoxo

Mama Gali