The Comparison Curse

 What You Have

The truth behind my smile

Always wanting 

Never satisfied 

Second best

Last place

I feel unworthy, unsure, uncomfortable...

I WANT WHAT YOU HAVE

•  I want what you have! 

My false confidence feels like a shoddy knock off of the "real" thing.

• I want what you have!

You seem to breeze through life with ease, while I struggle to even get out of bed.

• I want what you have!

Such an extraordinary gift: with words, with kids, with cookies.

• I want what you have!

A giving heart, always caring and kind.

• I want what you have!

Boundless energy, instead of being always tired.

Have you ever noticed that we're always comparing, always coveting the facade of others, without ever questioning, the flipside of the coin. Well here's my flipside, and it's not so shiny.

You say that you want what I have, well, be careful what you wish for, because I have a diagnosis of bipolar disorder and generalized anxiety. 

When I breeze through life, I feel untethered, longing to feel the ground beneath my feet. My gifts for words, for baking, for kids, leave me drained when I can't manage to turn them off at bedtime. That giving heart that you love and appreciate, that comes from an ache in my soul, from wishing and yearning that others would reach out to me too. That boundless energy, yeah... that's called mania, and that can be just as dangerous as the crippling depression that's sure to follow.

So when you wish for what I have, be careful... you just might get it, and trust me, it's no picnic.

Maybe, after seeing the ordinary human behind that curtain of magic and mystery, you will still want what I have... I'd gladly trade if I could. Or maybe you'll think twice about yourself, and give yourself the credit that others give you, because believe it or not, we want what YOU have too.

Xoxo 

Mama Gali